If watching What Not To Wear has taught me anything, it's that there are a lot of very attractive women out there who see themselves as plain or even ugly and have never thought of themselves as beautiful, not even once!
Thankfully I am not one of those women, but lately, I find myself looking in the mirror and instead of admiring my high cheekbones and full lips I am noticing my face growing rounder and my ever-present blemishes. In high school I remember riding home in the front seat, absolutely mesmerized by my reflection in the side mirror, I was amazed at all the changes that were happening and by my first glimpse of the adult me!
So now I'm wondering, how did I get from there, to here? It has been over 5 years since those self-absorbed, carefree days, but can a few extra pounds and a premenstrual zit really blind me to the beauty that I used to find in myself? I guess "can" is not really the question, but should it? The hardest thing is feeling like all the self-esteem and the effort I made turning myself from a shy little girl into a fierce and confident teen, has gone to waste. How can you lose something that is fundamentally who you are?
I used to wear tight jeans and short skirts and my hair was my signature. I was an outrageous flirt and I didn't care what anyone thought of me. I thought those things defined me, but they must not because I don't do any of those things anymore. Now my jeans definitely fall into the "mom" category and a miniskirt sounds like a death sentence. I still love my hair but unfortunately it has to be covered up most of the time. I spend most of my time trying not to be noticed and I am ridiculously intimidated by boys.
I can't pinpoint exactly when I lost my sass, but it's definitely long gone. Maybe this is just a phase that will pass, but if it isn't I know my new self will emerge eventually. Someone who is maybe a little quieter and a little more demure, but just as funny and smart as before.
I guess the point of all this is that it's never too late to find yourself, even if you have no idea who you are. Whether you lose yourself in a quarter or mid-life crisis, it's not the end of the world! Just because you aren't who you thought you were doesn't mean you can't be someone great. This is a message from me to any woman out there who finds herself "in-between", you're not the only one and things are going to get better!
love, iCandy
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