If watching What Not To Wear has taught me anything, it's that there are a lot of very attractive women out there who see themselves as plain or even ugly and have never thought of themselves as beautiful, not even once!
Thankfully I am not one of those women, but lately, I find myself looking in the mirror and instead of admiring my high cheekbones and full lips I am noticing my face growing rounder and my ever-present blemishes. In high school I remember riding home in the front seat, absolutely mesmerized by my reflection in the side mirror, I was amazed at all the changes that were happening and by my first glimpse of the adult me!
So now I'm wondering, how did I get from there, to here? It has been over 5 years since those self-absorbed, carefree days, but can a few extra pounds and a premenstrual zit really blind me to the beauty that I used to find in myself? I guess "can" is not really the question, but should it? The hardest thing is feeling like all the self-esteem and the effort I made turning myself from a shy little girl into a fierce and confident teen, has gone to waste. How can you lose something that is fundamentally who you are?
I used to wear tight jeans and short skirts and my hair was my signature. I was an outrageous flirt and I didn't care what anyone thought of me. I thought those things defined me, but they must not because I don't do any of those things anymore. Now my jeans definitely fall into the "mom" category and a miniskirt sounds like a death sentence. I still love my hair but unfortunately it has to be covered up most of the time. I spend most of my time trying not to be noticed and I am ridiculously intimidated by boys.
I can't pinpoint exactly when I lost my sass, but it's definitely long gone. Maybe this is just a phase that will pass, but if it isn't I know my new self will emerge eventually. Someone who is maybe a little quieter and a little more demure, but just as funny and smart as before.
I guess the point of all this is that it's never too late to find yourself, even if you have no idea who you are. Whether you lose yourself in a quarter or mid-life crisis, it's not the end of the world! Just because you aren't who you thought you were doesn't mean you can't be someone great. This is a message from me to any woman out there who finds herself "in-between", you're not the only one and things are going to get better!
love, iCandy
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2 comments:
As a person who is sort of (ok, totally) in a quarter-life crisis at the moment, THANK YOU for this post. It made me feel so much better. :)
A lovely honest post.
Perhaps losing yourself is essential to finding yourself? What happens when we stop putting so much energy into our personality?
We are so accustomed to being concerned with how we appear that we forget that soul is more important than sass anyway :)
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